Roommates and overnight guests

One of the most common concerns we hear is roommates having frequent overnight guests.

How often you or your roommate have overnight guests can be a bit of a grey area, as it varies based on roommates' lifestyles and preferences. But if it starts to feel like you have another person living in your home, it's time to speak up! Even when everyone gets along, having an extra person around can infringe on your shared space and even increase your utility bills.

Here's a list of common issues that arise with overnight guests and how to navigate them:

Caught off-guard

When possible, give your roommates a heads-up when you're planning on having a guest stay over. Whether it's for one night or longer, keeping them in the loop helps avoid awkward hallway encounters, as well as giving them an opportunity to mention if they have any plans during that time you need to be mindful of.

Agreeing how often is 'too often'

There's no hard-and-fast rule for how often is 'too often' to have an overnight guest, and what this looks like will vary between roommates. Some may be happy for you to have a partner over multiple nights a week, while others might find that excessive.

There's a difference between someone visiting and someone living in your home without officially being a tenant. If a partner is staying over most nights of the week, keeping belongings at your place or being there even when your roommate is not home then you're well within your rights to raise it - you didn't sign up to live with an extra person, after all!

It's a good idea to chat through how often is ok with your roommates early on to avoid any awkwardness down the line.

Not considering each other

A roommate being in a relationship shouldn't really change how comfortable you feel in your own home, at least in an ideal world! When you're paying rent, it's fair to expect things like privacy, quiet, and being able to use shared spaces without feeling crowded or like you've lost your own space. At the same time, it's also completely normal for people to have partners over, so expecting a roommate to never have their partner stay over isn't really realistic either. Most of the time, the healthiest setup is somewhere in the middle, where everyone has the freedom to live their life, but there's also enough consideration that no one ends up feeling pushed out of their own home.

Not respecting the shared space

If it's your partner who stays over a lot, it's worth remembering that a lot of issues start when a guest isn't really thinking about how their presence affects everyone else in the home. Things like gradually taking over the living room every evening, leaving bits and pieces around the apartment, or regularly using shared spaces without much awareness of others can slowly build up into frustration. It's rarely about one big incident, more often it's lots of small moments that, over time, start to feel a bit unfair or like the balance in the apartment has shifted.

Extended stays

On occasion, you or your roommate may want someone to stay for an extended period of time (more than a day or so). Firstly, you should agree on this with your roommates, and, depending on the length of the stay, you might want to consider asking the guest to contribute to utilities or shared household items. Talking about money can feel awkward, but avoiding it entirely often leads to silent resentment. You should also check your lease to make sure having someone for an extended time doesn't breach any terms.

Heated discussions

If something starts to feel unfair and you want to bring it up, it's usually better to focus on how things feel in the apartment rather than making it about the partner or the relationship itself. You could say something like the vibe of the home has changed, you're feeling like there's less privacy, or your routine feels a bit disrupted. That kind of wording tends to land better because it doesn't sound like an attack, just an honest conversation about how the shared space is working (or not working) for everyone.

The unofficial roommate

Secretly moving your partner into your room and hoping no one will notice? Not cool. If you or one of your roommates plans on having someone move in on a more permanent basis, you risk breaching the terms of your lease and seriously annoying your roommate.

Final thoughts

If you feel that one of your roommates is having a guest over more often than you'd like, raise the issue with them directly. Begin with a friendly approach and calmly explain your feelings. The likelihood is they may not have considered how it might be affecting you, and you'll be able to quickly reach a compromise.