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25 ways to tell you've become a New Yorker

 

Here's a to-do list for you:

Rockefeller Center, Empire State Building, Naked Cowboy, Serendipity 3, Times Square, Circle Line Tour, Magnolia Bakery, horse and carriage ride in Central Park, pedi-cab ride, Century 21, hot dog stand, pretzel, Bethesda Fountain, Madame Tussauds.

Congratulations: you're now a fully fledged, out-of-pocket and exhausted tourist.

Now it's time to become a real New Yorker. It'll take some time, but once you've nailed the 25 items below, you're officially no longer new to New York City.

  1. You can walk out a subway exit and immediately know which way to walk - based purely on the direction of traffic.
  2. You know the difference between lox and smoked salmon - and you know which one you want on your bagel.
  3. You laugh if anyone says the G train is their nearest line.
  4. You take the High Line to avoid the traffic rather than admire the views.
  5. You know what alternate side parking is all about.
  6. You know all the 'pay what you wish' days for the museums and galleries.
  7. You make use of Six and a Half Avenue when walking during rush hour.
  8. You and your roommate have a rota for dealing with the mice.
  9. You tut when walking past anywhere "Grade Pending".
  10. You know how to pronounce Houston.
  11. You choose shoes according to two criteria only: comfort and durability.
  12. You'd be happy to never set foot inside a Gristedes again.
  13. But you have a Gristedes store card on your key chain (along with D'Agostino, Food Emporium and Duane Reade).
  14. You've forgotten how to drive (and can't imagine why anyone thinks driving is a good idea).
  15. You deserve to be on a home decor show for the way you've made use of apartment space. (Shoes on a rack above the cooker? Perfect).
  16. You know how long it takes to cross Park Ave so you don't get stuck in the middle.
  17. Getting a $3 sandwich delivered straight to your apartment on the 5th floor of a walkup is now just useful rather than brilliantly amazing.
  18. Going to Times Square on New Year's Eve seems like the most terrible idea ever.
  19. You'll leave your clothes washing at the laundromat without worrying whether you'll see them again.
  20. Your sole reason for going to Bryant Park is to use the toilets.
  21. You reflexively breathe through your mouth when you're walking through Chinatown on a hot day.
  22. You describe lining up for something as "waiting on line", and you can't understand why anyone finds that in the slightest bit weird.
  23. A movie being filmed in the street is no longer an exciting novelty, just another damn obstacle between you and your destination.
  24. You've forgotten that the concept of dinner reservations actually exists. (Hang out on the sidewalk for an hour waiting for a table? Not a problem).
  25. When you see the skyline, you know you're home.

Of course, now you're an official New Yorker, you'll need some serious therapy to integrate back into any other city...

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