25 ways to tell you've become a New Yorker
Here's a to-do list for you:
Rockefeller Center, Empire State Building, Naked Cowboy, Serendipity 3, Times Square, Circle Line Tour, Magnolia Bakery, horse and carriage ride in Central Park, pedi-cab ride, Century 21, hot dog stand, pretzel, Bethesda Fountain, Madame Tussauds.
Congratulations: you're now a fully fledged, out-of-pocket and exhausted tourist.
Now it's time to become a real New Yorker. It'll take some time, but once you've nailed the 25 items below, you're officially no longer new to New York City.
- You can walk out a subway exit and immediately know which way to walk - based purely on the direction of traffic.
- You know the difference between lox and smoked salmon - and you know which one you want on your bagel.
- You laugh if anyone says the G train is their nearest line.
- You take the High Line to avoid the traffic rather than admire the views.
- You know what alternate side parking is all about.
- You know all the 'pay what you wish' days for the museums and galleries.
- You make use of Six and a Half Avenue when walking during rush hour.
- You and your roommate have a rota for dealing with the mice.
- You tut when walking past anywhere "Grade Pending".
- You know how to pronounce Houston.
- You choose shoes according to two criteria only: comfort and durability.
- You'd be happy to never set foot inside a Gristedes again.
- But you have a Gristedes store card on your key chain (along with D'Agostino, Food Emporium and Duane Reade).
- You've forgotten how to drive (and can't imagine why anyone thinks driving is a good idea).
- You deserve to be on a home decor show for the way you've made use of apartment space. (Shoes on a rack above the cooker? Perfect).
- You know how long it takes to cross Park Ave so you don't get stuck in the middle.
- Getting a $3 sandwich delivered straight to your apartment on the 5th floor of a walkup is now just useful rather than brilliantly amazing.
- Going to Times Square on New Year's Eve seems like the most terrible idea ever.
- You'll leave your clothes washing at the laundromat without worrying whether you'll see them again.
- Your sole reason for going to Bryant Park is to use the toilets.
- You reflexively breathe through your mouth when you're walking through Chinatown on a hot day.
- You describe lining up for something as "waiting on line", and you can't understand why anyone finds that in the slightest bit weird.
- A movie being filmed in the street is no longer an exciting novelty, just another damn obstacle between you and your destination.
- You've forgotten that the concept of dinner reservations actually exists. (Hang out on the sidewalk for an hour waiting for a table? Not a problem).
- When you see the skyline, you know you're home.
Of course, now you're an official New Yorker, you'll need some serious therapy to integrate back into any other city...